Dear America

09 Mar

Hi, America.

I’m over here.

You probably can’t quite tell, since it’s difficult to see with underpants on your head. But it’s okay. I’m sure that’s an acceptable look for you, and I won’t even suggest you try and take them off without assistance.

Hey, you know that American Idol show thingie that you, America, mash phone buttons to vote on?

How about you…I don’t know…like…vote the right people off, or something. Seriously. You voted off Sundance Head in favor of Sanjaya “I’m so pretty” Malakar. I mean, maybe you did really enjoy the strange songs in favor of a great version of “Mustang Sally,” but who am I to judge?

(I mean, you should have kept him around because his name is Sundance Head! You don’t get any cooler than that outside of the porn industry!)

No, it’s okay, I just had to say something. You can go back to stumbling around with tighty whities on your head.

Here’s my phone number, for you mash on your phone at. I bet I know someone who’s certified to teach you baseball.


15 responses to “Dear America

  1. Carrie

    March 9, 2007 at 12:41 pm

    Yup. I can’t believe the Sabrina chick was voted off, either. It should have been that Haily? Hannah? Karen? chick that sang… er… something. I was glad to see Antonella go. She couldn’t sing. Buh-bye. I think Sundance *so* should have stayed, and so should uh… Josh? Jason? Justin? Whatever.

    I think if it’s truly a singing competition (which we all know it’s not) then all the guys will be eliminated off the bat. Compared to the girls this year, they’re not even close to the same league. It’s like the girls are doing a triathalon and the boys are playing ping pong. Or pocket pool. Whichever.

  2. Pete

    March 9, 2007 at 4:42 pm

    Boy, you’re providing some no-holds barred opinions, or ideas, or whatever today. 😉

    Blake Lewis can stay. I like him. Actually, I have three or four guys that I liked (one less, now that ****ing Sundance went home), but the rest I can take and leave.

    Except….I don’t always know there names. Conversation on the couch with my wife goes like this.

    “Beatbox guy is really, really good. Of course he’ll make it.”

    “So’s Justin Timberlake guy.”

    “Yeah, but I have no idea why CSI-guy is still here. He’s so…eh…”

    (Beatbox Guy = Blake Lewis, Justin Timberlake is Chris Richardson, and I don’t know CSI-guy’s name, but he’s the black guy who DIDN’T gt voted off and has hair, and looks like a young version of, er, CSI character guy.)

    Boy, I’m big on these name things, aren’t I, co-blogger-girl?

  3. Carrie

    March 10, 2007 at 3:55 am

    I like Blake.

    I don’t bother learning their names until about the top 10. I prefer to use my brain cells for more useful things, such as calculating the last possible second I can pull out before I get stuck behind a bus in the morning, contemplating how such small cute animals can create such a horrible huge stench, and wondering how long before RT points out that you should have used “their” instead of “there”.


  4. Pete

    March 10, 2007 at 6:02 am

    As yes, Rllgthunder, that last bastion of proper grammer and word usige, may he defend us in piece.


  5. Carrie

    March 10, 2007 at 3:43 pm


    u no he iz goeng 2 b anoid at u.

    (I couldn’t figure out how to butcher “he” and “at”. I’m too old! HAHAHAHA)

  6. Melissa

    March 10, 2007 at 4:25 pm

    I agree.

    We have almost the same conversations over here, except we call CSI-guy FineYoungCannibals-guy (guess I’m dating myself, huh?)

    I’ll tell you one name I remember. MELINDA. That woman can sing. It’s like watching the season with Fantasia –you just now that woman’s in a whole ‘nother league.

  7. Pete

    March 10, 2007 at 6:02 pm

    Melinda and Lakisha (I don’t know how to spell her name) are just something else altogether. Honestly, American Idol is just them treading water until they make CDs. They are stellar.

    And the funny thing is, they have the most stunning voices, and are still terrified and scared each decision day, and each time the judges talk to them.

    I *do* like some of the guys (FineYoungCannibals! Yay!) and I think with the guys, it’s still too early to get an idea of what kind of CD they would release. With girls like Melinda, if she released a whole CD that sounded like that blues-version of “W.O.M.A.N.” (I don’t actually know the song title) I’d be through the roof.

  8. Carrie

    March 10, 2007 at 6:31 pm

    She drives me crazy! Oooh! Oooh! She drives me crazy and I can’t help myself!

  9. Pete

    March 11, 2007 at 4:39 pm

    I think someone is suddenly talking about a different show altogether. Ewww…

  10. Scribbler

    March 12, 2007 at 1:29 pm

    You know, pop idol was pretty damn bad over here, you could have left well alone couldn’t you? but no, it had to go overseas where it’s just as bad.

  11. Pete

    March 12, 2007 at 2:33 pm

    Could be worse. Could be Eurovision. 🙂

    (any of the years when Lordi didn’t win, anyway. I quite like Lordi.)

  12. TJWriter

    March 13, 2007 at 9:24 pm

    Um, hello. Anybody home?

    Someone posting this comment needs some comic relief at work, and frankly, you guys just aren’t putting out like you used to.

  13. Carrie

    March 13, 2007 at 9:53 pm

    Putting out? *snicker*



  14. Rllgthunder

    March 14, 2007 at 4:02 am


  15. Pete

    March 15, 2007 at 3:18 am

    That’s cause SOMEBODY over here went and got a JOB. Hmpf.


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