Okay, America…

27 Oct


So first we have energy drinks. The little red bull cans, and then shortly thereafter, the little Amp cans, all of them like little adrenaline shots, but without the needle into the heart. They tasted like, er, chemical runoff (Godzilla Pee was how I described Amp to a co-worker drinking it. He was so appreciative).

Then we STEPPED IT UP with bigger cans of amp, and Monster drinks and Rock Star drinks and stuff, so now we have these really huge cans of super-caffeinated chemical runoff.

That was already pretty silly (says the guy who is not a fan of energy drinks). But where it gets absurd, and where it hits the point where we need to go “Okay, folks. Just…go get some sleep and drink some fruit juice, you’ve gone off the deep end…”

Is when a product like this appears on the market:


Had too many energy drinks?? Can’t sleep? Nneneeedd tttooo unnnnwiiiindnddd a litttleleee????////

Well now there’s an ANTI-ENERGY DRINK.

As I said before, sometimes there isn’t a big enough “WTF” in the world for this stuff.

(Plus, the notion of HYPING MYSELF UP with energy drinks and then CALMING MYSELF DOWN with another drink just seems like a sure fire way to make my heart go “I quit…”)





















1 Comment

Posted by on October 27, 2009 in Uncategorized


One response to “Okay, America…

  1. mymidnightmuse

    October 28, 2009 at 9:41 am

    Reminds me of a (very very old) Saturday Night Live skit involving “Puppy Uppers” and “Doggie Downers”.

    Who wants more energy when they could curl just up and have a nice long nap?


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